Bon Appétit: The Two Words Americans Never Say

I have lived in Lyon for six years, and I still get caught by it. Someone sets a plate down, everyone looks up, and the whole table says it at once: “Bon appétit.” Every time. Business lunch, Sunday dinner, the school cafeteria. It is the starter pistol for eating.

In America, we just… start. Nobody says anything. Maybe the host says “dig in!” if they’re feeling folksy. Mostly there’s a little hover moment where everyone waits for someone else to take the first bite, and then we all pretend we didn’t notice the awkward part.

My kids go to school here, and the cantine is where I first understood this isn’t just politeness — it’s machinery. Thirty eight-year-olds sit down, the teacher says “Bon appétit,” they answer “Merci, bon appétit,” and then, like a switch, lunch begins. Nobody eats early. Nobody eats late. The phrase is the on-button.

Here’s the funny part: the French will correct you if you skip it. My mother-in-law once watched me pick up my fork without the ritual and said, very gently, “On dit bon appétit, Dana.” Like I’d forgotten to say bless you after a sneeze. I had committed a small social crime and didn’t know it.

Americans have our own version, sort of. We say grace, some of us. Or we do the thing where everyone photographs the food. But there’s no shared, secular, everybody-says-it signal. I think it’s because we’re nervous about telling other people what to do. Saying “enjoy your meal” to a grown adult feels bossy in American. In French, it’s just… the rule. Somebody has to start the meal, so everybody does, together.

What I love about it now: it’s democratic. The CEO says it to the intern. The teacher says it to the kids and the kids say it back. For two seconds, everyone at the table is equal, and then the eating starts.

I’ve started saying it at home, even when it’s just us. My husband — French, obviously — pretends not to notice. But the kids answer, “Merci, bon appétit,” and something in me settles. Lunch can begin.

Two words. That’s all it takes to turn a group of hungry people into a table.